


The Laughter and the Tears

by NotaDroid (mjonhunt)



Series: The Laughter and the Tears [1]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:41:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24799387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mjonhunt/pseuds/NotaDroid
Summary: Lately Garcia has been thinking about Aaron Hotchner in a whole different way. Is she opening herself up for disaster? Or will it be worth the laughter and tears?
Relationships: Emily Prentiss/Spencer Reid, Penelope Garcia/Aaron Hotchner
Series: The Laughter and the Tears [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1793704
Kudos: 42





	1. White Roses at a Funeral

_He drowns in his dreams  
An exquisite extreme I know  
He's as damned as he seems  
And more heaven than a heart could hold  
And if I try to save him  
My whole world could cave in  
It just ain't right  
It just ain't right - Beautiful Disaster, Kelly Clarkson_

Haley Hotchner was dead.

Penelope Garcia didn't know her well; in fact she had only met her boss's ex-wife a few times. She seemed like a very nice person. Given she didn't know Haley very well, some would think odd how sad Haley was dead. The whole team was sad as well. The feeling of sadness and grief was in the air, and it was made worse by Chief Strauss's witch hunt after Hotch killed George Foyet, the man who killed Haley.

Every question Strauss asked was engineered to put blame on Hotch. When it was Garcia's time in the hot seat, she couldn't quite say what she was thinking. She told Strauss the wrong questions were being asked. What she stopped short of saying, was that Strauss shouldn't be trying to put the blame on Hotch. The reason a U.S. Marshall and Haley were dead was because of George Foyet, period. More importantly, though, the right question was how were Aaron and Jack going to go on without Haley?

Aaron. It seemed odd to use her boss's first name, even only in her thoughts. It was one thing to use a nickname, she did that with everyone. Using his first name, though...it crossed a line. Just like accusing the Section Chief of Behavioral Analysis of pursuing a vendetta against an agent was crossing a line. One she couldn't quite bring herself to cross.

She knew why all of this seemed so painful. Foyet targeted Hotch, but an attack on him was an attack on everyone. Especially, Garcia thought, since we aren't a team. We're a family. She loved them all and couldn't imagine her life without them in it. Whenever something bad happened to one of them, she felt it. Ever since Foyet attacked Hotch, Garcia saw the change in him. They all did but knowing what to do about it was always the challenge. What should you do to help? What can you do without making things worse?

Once the hearing was over, and Hotch was cleared, the next part came.

* * *

It was a lovely funeral. Jessica didn't know very much about the other FBI agents. They seemed to make up the pallbearers. There was Morgan and Rossi. Anderson and two others. They weren't on the team. One of the two wasn't even an FBI agent. She later learned both them were dating female members of Aaron's team. They all seemed so sad. Jessica could tell they felt the loss of Haley as acutely as she did. It was the way each one laid a white rose on the grave, as if they were literally leaving a piece of their heart with Haley.

After the ceremony, during the reception, one of them walked up to her. She somewhat short, plump, wearing a black dress and a purple hat. Her nails and lipstick matched the purple hat perfectly.

"Hello, Jessica. My name is Penelope Garcia. I didn't know Haley that well, but I know how much Aaron loved her." She gently touched Jessica's hand. Her skin was warm to the touch. "I know there aren't words that take away the pain but know we all feel your loss." Jessica could tell from the woman's voice and the look on her face she meant every word.

"Thank you. I'm glad you can be there for Aaron."

"That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. We both know Aaron is going to try to be strong. But if you think something's wrong, if there's anything we can do, I want you to call me."

"That's very good of you. Shouldn't you be telling him that?"

"I did. I'm not a profiler, but I know him. I don't think he'll ask for help. I'm guessing you know that. I would stay but..." she hesitated, "we have a case. I have to go. We all do. But if there's something you need. Just call me." Garcia gave Jessica a card.

Jessica saw Aaron's team leave. She also saw the loss on their faces. Was that because they had to leave for a case? Or because they had to leave without Aaron?

She looked at her ex-brother-in-law. Penelope was right. He would die before he asked for help. He would try to be strong. Even now she could see he was dying inside. He always seemed serious, even a teenager, she remembered. Haley always found a way to lessen that seriousness, and then he seemed human. Was there something anyone could do to help? Was there something she could do to help?

* * *

The next night, Jessica got a call on her cellphone. It was from a number she didn't recognize.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Jessica? I hope it's okay to call. It's Penelope Garcia, we met yesterday."

"Penelope? Yes, I mean it's okay. Does the fact you're calling mean the case is over?"

"No. I don't travel with the team unless they need me to. I usually help them from here. The thing is, I thought you might want to know Aaron is about to be offered retirement."

"What? I don't understand."

"Apparently Section Chief Strauss went to the director and got the authorization to offer him full retirement."

"How do you know?"

"Getting information is what I do for the team. I don't know what he's going to do. I'm not sure what he should do, but maybe he needs someone to talk to about it."

"This is what you meant, about helping?"

"There's a lot I can't do and a lot none of us can control. But today, you can help him make the right choice. Whatever that is. No matter what happens, remember anything we can do to help, we want to do."

"Thanks."

Jessica hung up the phone and thought for a moment. She knew the same thing Haley did a few years ago, that Aaron needed the team as much as they needed him. He might take the retirement, so he can be with Jack. But somehow Jessica didn't think that would be good for either one of them. Being an Agent was as much a part of who he was and being a father to Jack was.

Jessica knew she had to convince Aaron not to take retirement. She had to convince him to let her help him take care of Jack.

* * *

After the team got back from the case, they received word that Hotch was coming back both as a team member and as team leader. Penelope Garcia felt a certain satisfaction in that. It felt like her family was back in place. She had something she had to do next.

She made a trip to the cemetery. She stood over the grave.

"Hey, Mrs. Hotchner. I'm sorry we couldn't do more to stop Foyet. I promise we did all we could. I promise we're going to help Aaron. I promise I'll do what I can to help him. I promise to help Jack believe in love. I don't how I'm going to do it, but trust me, I'll find a way. It's the least I can do."


	2. Backstage Flowers: Apology and Congratulations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place at the end of the episode "Reflections of Desire"

_I don't know what he's after  
But he's so beautiful  
Such a beautiful disaster  
And if I could hold on  
Through the tears and the laughter  
Would it be beautiful?  
Or just a beautiful disaster_

_Beautiful Disaster, Kelly Clarkson_

In her dressing room at the theater, Penelope Garcia was finishing getting dressed when there was a knock on the door.

"Just a minute," she said.

"Are you decent, Penny," an old man asked. His name was Walter, one of the stagehands. Everyone called him Pops.

"Only on my bad days. On my good days, I'm beyond compare."

Pops opened the door. "Good to hear. Delivery for you. I told the young man he could give them to you himself, but he said he didn't want to intrude." The old man carried a bouquet of flowers. It was a mix of red and yellow roses. "You know, most people just give red roses. I guess he thought you would want more color." He set them on the table.

"Actually," Garcia said," yellow roses are also used for apologies."

"Is that so? Does someone owe you an apology?"

"More than I can count, including you. Now get out of here, you dirty old man." she said playfully.

Pops smiled. "Have a good show."

Young man, Pops had said. Morgan maybe? Or even Reid? Then again, given Pops' age, he might think of Rossi as being a young man. Garcia looked at the card, was a little surprised to see Hotch sent the flowers.

* * *

The performance went well. This role, a woman torturing a killer, felt especially cathartic for Garcia. Even more so that it came at the ending of a case. Penelope tried very hard not to admit it was nice that the team was there. All of them: Reid, Emily, Derek, Rossi and Aaron.

Hotch.

Not Aaron, Hotch. He's only Aaron when you're talking to his family, like Jessica. Other than that, he's Hotch. That's what she told herself. She looked at the flowers on the table. Pops put them in water for her. They were lovely. Red and yellow roses that looked so colorful. Did Aaron send a mixture to deliver two different messages, congratulations and apology? Congratulations for the performance and apology for telling everyone about her acting life? Or did he just give her flowers with a lot of color?

Aaron. You're doing it again. What would Kevin make of it?

Kevin. They broke up four weeks ago. This time she lasted three days without thinking about him. She was doing her best to forget their last date. Not because he was mean or wrong, but because he was right, then again so was she. That may be what hurt the worse. It would be easier if she could be mad at him or if he thought she was bad. But there was no anger about it, just a recognition of a simple and unavoidable truth.

She loved Kevin, but she loved her team more. They were her family, her world. No one in her life would ever mean as much as they did, and Kevin wanted to be with someone that could put him first. She couldn't blame him for that. It was over, simple as that.

But things happen for a reason, right? She kept telling herself she got shot so she would meet him. If that wasn't the meaning for her getting shot, then what was?

She put that question out of her head. She heard a hand knocking.

Penelope turned around to see Derek Morgan standing there. "Hey hot stuff. You were pretty good out there."

"Thanks Derek. So, is everyone here?"

"Yeah. They're all on their way to the bar to celebrate."

"Everyone?"

"Well, Hotch had to go home. You know, for Jack."

"Course. He needs to tuck in junior G-man." It surprised her how disappointed she was he wasn't going to be there. "Well, I'm ready, let's go."

"Hey, nice flowers. Who are they from?"

"A friend."

"Which one?"

"Why? Jealous?"

He gave her a quick smile and shook his head.

* * *

Monday morning, Hotch was in his office bright and early, doing paperwork. At least, that's what it looked like to the casual observer. The truth is, he had been staring at the papers on his desk for the last 15 minutes, but not really reading it. His mind was elsewhere. Mostly, it was on the flowers he sent backstage for Garcia.

He kept telling himself it was the act of a friend. That was all. He just wanted to congratulate her on her role in the play and congratulate her for a job well done at the press conference. That was it. Well, that and offer a slight apology for telling the rest of the team about her acting. Especially after she asked him not to.

But that's all it was. Nothing more.

Except he was having an argument inside his head all weekend that it was something more. That he was becoming a little more attached to Garcia lately. He kept telling himself it was just that they were working more closely than they had before. It was only natural, with JJ gone and Garcia helping him fill her role. His musing was interrupted with a knock at the door. He looked up and saw Garcia standing there.

"Hey. I just wanted to say thank you for the flowers. They were very nice. Even nicer than the ones you sent on Gideon's behalf."

"You knew?" Several years ago, Gideon stayed behind on a case. He couldn't travel because he broke his leg. He set up in Garcia's office and drove her crazy. Hotch had sent her flowers and signed Gideon's name to them.

"Not at first. But then he sent me an MP3 player. I didn't think he would send me two gifts, and you were the only one who would send flowers in his name. My only question is, did you use yellow roses because they're pretty or because you were trying to apologize?"

"A little of each, actually."

She smiled. She really had a great smile, Aaron thought.

"Anyway," she said, "thank you so much for the flowers. And you didn't really need to apologize to me. But it was nice that you did. Anyway, I have some cases to send you."

She left the office. For a moment, Hotch wished she was still there. Then he eyes caught sight of the picture of Haley. What was he thinking? He pushed aside the errant thoughts about Penelope Garcia out of his head and focused on his paperwork.


	3. Floriography: the language of flowers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place right after the episode "25 to Life"

_He's magic and myth  
As strong as what I believe  
A tragedy with  
More damage than a soul should see – Kelly Clarkson_

Penelope Garcia's phone rang. She stabbed the speaker button with her fuzzily decorated pen.

"You have reached the office of total and benevolent omniscience; how can we help you today?"

"Penelope?" the female voice on the other end said. "It's Jessica." Jessica, Aaron Hotchner's ex-sister in-law. Ever since Haley died, Jessica helped take care of Jack.

"Jess? What's going on? How's my boss-man and his little G-man?" Hotch was out on sick leave.

"I'm worried about Aaron. He's been visiting the cemetery all week."

"He's what?"

"He goes and spends all day there. I can't get him to rest or anything."

Garcia face darkened, then she lit up again. She knew she needed to keep her light and cheery for Jessica. "Don't worry, sweepea. I'll take care of it. How's Junior G-man?"

"He's good. He's a little worried about his Daddy."

"Tell him his Daddy's okay. Would it be too much trouble to set a place for me tonight at dinner?"

"Not at all."

"Good. I'll be there. With Jack's father in tow."

* * *

Hotch sat at the grave site. Leaning on a wreath stand was a wreath of white roses. He had only meant to lay it on the grave, spend a few minutes there and be done with it. That was 4 days ago. He was supposed to be resting, but all he could do was just sit stare at the grave.

He couldn't help it. When he looked at the grave, everything came back to him: Foyet, the day Hayley died, the funeral, the hearing, the night Foyet ambushed him in his office, the day he signed the divorce papers, even ….

"I don't think she would want you to do this, do you?"

Aaron turned to see Penelope Garcia there. Her usual look of general bemusement was absent. She reminded him of a teacher whose star pupil just gave the wrong answer.

"What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you. Have you really been here all week? Is that what you think she would want?"

"How did you know?"

"When will you learn that I have eyes and ears everywhere? It's not called the office of omniscience for nothing." She sat down on the bench next to him. "I don't think she wanted this. I'm sure she appreciates the flowers, but I'm sure she would rather you took care of yourself and your son than sat here."

"I failed her."

"How?"

"Garcia, look where we are. She's dead, because of me."

"Not so much, no."

"Garcia, if it wasn't for me Foyet wouldn't have targeted her."

"That's not really your fault. That's all on Georgie Porgie I'm Glad He Died. _He_ chose to kill. _He_ chose to target you. _He_ killed her. _He_ did this. Not you."

"I told her I'd make it up to her."

"And?"

"I didn't catch him."

"Yes, you did. He won't harm anyone ever again."

"But not before he killed her."

"You did what you could do. And if you want to make it up to her, maybe you should get different flowers. The white roses are nice, just like they were at her funeral. Maybe it's time for some more color, to signify you're living your life, not just mourning her loss."

"You think some flowers will do that?"

"I think it's a start. Come on, I told Jessica I would get you home."

"That's how you knew. Jessica called you."

"What did you think? That I have GPS chips hidden in your clothes?"

Hotch let that pass.

* * *

Garcia got in her car, Esther and followed Aaron home. During the drive over to Hotch's house, Garcia couldn't help but wonder what she was doing. Keeping a promise, she thought. I made a promise to Hayley that I'd help him in any way I could. That's what I'm doing. I'm going to help him, and Jack get past this.

As soon as they got there, Jack had things he needed to show his father. He had drawings and questions. Neither Jessica nor Garcia could hear them, since Jack insisted his father come with him to his room. It did, however, give Garcia time to speak with Jessica.

"I don't know how to help him, Penelope," Jessica said.

"It's the anniversary. And he can't bury himself in his work right now, so he's having a hard time shoving his feelings down inside him. He'll be okay. Right now, though, he's blaming for everything."

"Everything?"

"This usually isn't my thing, Jess. He and the rest of the team, they're the ones who are good at figuring out why people do things, what their actions mean. This one time, though, I know what's happening. He's blaming himself for her dying. For the two of them being divorced. And everything else that happened to her and Jack. It's easier for him to blame himself for everything than admit there simply things beyond his control."

"That sounds like Aaron. So, how do we help him?"

"We take flowers to her grave tomorrow."

"But he was just there."

"Exactly. Tomorrow all three of you go. All three of you go to the grave and tell her how well things are going. And bring different flowers."

"Different flowers?"

"White roses are nice. They symbolize purity, eternal love and reverence, which is why it was such a nice choice at the funeral. Now though, I think it's time for them to acknowledge their living without her. Daisies maybe, they represent cheer. Or even pink roses, they represent energy."

"You think flowers are going to help?"

"Garcia puts a lot of faith in floriography," Hotch said.

The two women turned around to see him standing there.

"Floriography?" Jessica asked.

"The language of flowers," he said," it has it roots in Victorian age. People used them to communicate meaning all the time."

"You are too stealthy sometimes, boss-man," Garcia said. "I don't know about the Victorian stuff; I just know flowers have meanings. And, I would think someone who spends so much time analyzing what it means when someone slouches instead of leaning would appreciate symbolism."

"You think I should take happier flowers tomorrow?"

"No. I think all three of you should go. I think it would be good for all of you to go."

"Where are we going Daddy?" Jack made his way in the room.

"Hey kiddo," Garcia beamed at Jack. "You three are going to have a family trip tomorrow. Doesn't that sound like fun?"

"Are you coming too?" he asked hopefully.

She shook her head. "No, kiddo. Just you three. That will be enough." She turned to Jessica, " Come on, let's get dinner together."


	4. Beautiful Disaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place after 25 to Life, but before Corazo.

_Oh 'cause I don't know_   
_I don't know what he's after_   
_But he's so beautiful_   
_Such a beautiful disaster_   
_And if I could hold on_   
_Through the tears and the laughter_   
_Would it be beautiful?_   
_Or just a beautiful disaster_

Aaron Hotchner never ceased to be amazed by Penelope Garcia.

For a long time both he and his team had come to rely on her tech skills in the field, but sometimes it seemed her perkiness was equally necessary to their moral. Even in the face of the morbid seriousness of their job, Penelope could lighten the load of the evil they saw day in and day out.

In the wake of JJ's departure, Garcia had surprised him yet again. Her willingness to take on more responsibilities, and to dress in a more professional manner, surprised him. What he hadn't told her was how much he appreciated her help. He had no doubt he could do some of JJ's job for a time, but he wasn't sure how long he could keep it up. With Garcia helping take some of the load off, it was a much more manageable endeavor.

Yesterday, though, she surprised him at the grave site. He knew she counseled the families of murder victims, but he wondered what she was like. He felt like he had a glimmer. What surprised him most, though, was how she just took charge of his family. By the time dinner was over, Aaron and Jessica committed to going to the grave. All three of them explained to Jack how they would be visiting his mother the next day and remembering her.

After they put Jack to bed, and Jessica went home, Aaron walked Garcia out to her car.

"Thank you, Garcia," he said. "I appreciate you helping me."

"What are friends for? You just have to learn to ask for help. Jessica can't do it all the time."

"I just...These are the things I have a hard time doing."

She reached a gentle hand on his cheek. "Just take it a day at a time. Like you've been doing, and it will be fine." She smiled and kissed him gently on the cheek. "If you need anything, just call."

"Thank you, Garcia."

All he meant to do was give her a gentle hug, maybe kiss her cheek as well. Instead, however, he leaned down and kissed her gently on the mouth. It was a gentle, tender kiss of lips on lips. When their mouths parted, she looked in his eyes.

It was hard for her to read what he was thinking and feeling at that moment. He, however, recognized the look of surprise and shock in her eyes. Which is why he was surprised when she pulled his face down to hers and kissed him back. Her kiss was a little hungrier, but still only involved lips. When she let go, she said, "maybe we should...maybe you should wait a few days. Just focus on tomorrow. I..."

"It's fine, Garcia. I'm fine. We both know what that was, right?"

She smiled. "Sure. Sure we do. Thank you. Call me, if you need anything." She got in her car and drove away.

It was the overload of emotions of the day, Hotch told himself. That's all it was. They both knew that.

Except, of course, a part of him was savoring the taste of her lips, like strawberries. A part of him wished Jack was with Jessica. A part of him wondered, what would happen if he and Penelope spent a little time alone right now.

* * *

The whole way home, Garcia had a discussion with her car.

"Esther, what the hell was that? I didn't go over to do that. I didn't. What do you mean, what did I think would happen? I thought we would all have a nice dinner, and they would go to the grave tomorrow. I had no intention of kissing Aaron."

She drove in silence for a few minutes.

"Yes, it was a nice kiss."

It was quiet for another minute.

"I am never doing it again. No, I can't. He's my boss! Even if … No Esther, no, I can't do it. I just can't do it."

Garcia turned on the radio for the rest of the drive.

* * *

The day at the grave had gone mostly as planned. The three of them went to Haley's grave. They stopped at a florist and bought daisies which they each laid at the grave. Jack had made a picture of the three of them that he left there.

"We're doing okay Mommy," he said. "Daddy's still fighting the bad guys. Aunt Jess stays with me. We're doing fine. We miss you Mommy, but we're OK."

Aaron was very proud of his son.

When it was over, when they all had their say, they went home.

Jack was playing in the other room, when Jessica asked Hotch a question. "Are you OK, Aaron?"

"What do you mean?"

"You look distracted. I thought it was about visiting the grave, but it isn't, is it?"

"No." It was almost a whisper.

"What's wrong?"

"I did something last night I shouldn't have."

"Last night? What did you do?"

"After you left I ...I kissed Penelope."

"Really?" She sounded almost amused.

"I..." but he couldn't even say the words.

"Aaron," she said," she wouldn't want you to mourn forever. And I think Penelope's waited long enough for this."

"What do you mean?"

"She's been over a few times since the funeral. She calls every so often to see how things are. I think she's been sweet on you for a while."

"You're wrong."

She laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"You. You can find killers no one else can, but you can't tell a woman you work with loves you. And if this is guilt over Haley, this is exactly what she would have wanted, for you to live your life.

* * *

A few days later, Hotch was back to work.

Rossi was glad when Hotch returned from his sick leave. He liked doing his job, but he hated dealing with Strauss and other members of the bureaucracy. He much preferred to let someone else, anyone else, deal with it. He hoped Hotch was able to spend good quality time with his son and didn't spend too much time being sick.

The one thing he noticed, though, was a look Hotch and Garcia seemed to give each other. Dave Rossi had a hard time figuring it out. They were cordial to each other, but a little guarded. If it was anyone else but those two, Rossi would have guessed there was a romantic interlude between them.

But Hotch was sick and even if he wasn't, Rossi couldn't see him getting involved with someone on the team. Especially not Garcia.

It's not that Garcia wasn't a great woman. It's just that she was a little too out there for Hotch. If Aaron would get involved with anyone ever again, it would be someone not so... Rossi realized there just aren't any words that adequately describe the tech analyst.

Non-conformist? Unorthodox? Bubbly? These touched her edges, but not completely described her. It didn't matter in any case. It was something else. Maybe it was just the strain of them trying to do their jobs and JJ's.

It was hard for Hotch to be at work, or at least to work with Garcia. Every time he looked at her, he thought about what Jessica said. Was she in love with him? Were there signs he missed?

What made it even harder was that it was difficult for him not to think about kissing her. To begin with, it felt like he was cheating on Haley with those thoughts. To make things even worse, it was inappropriate to have that kind of relationship with someone he supervised.

And still the thoughts persisted.

* * *

Garcia was working in her office when she heard a knock on the door. The door opened and she heard Morgan say, "what's up Baby-girl?"

"Not now, Derek. I don't have time to play." Garcia never looked up from her computer screens to acknowledge Morgan.

"I don't time to play either, so tell me what's bothering you."

"Nothing's bothering me."

Derek rolled her chair away from her computer screens and swiveled her around until she faced him. "You can fool everyone else, but not me. So, tell me what's wrong."

"I hate profilers."

"Penelope, I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong."

"You are the biggest busy body I know."

"Sticks and stones, baby girl, sticks and stones."

"I don't need sticks," she said with a smile.

"Tell me what's wrong? Because you and Hotch haven't looked each other in the eye all week."

Garcia sighed. She should have known better than hoping to hide anything from Derek. "I did something wrong."

"What's that?"

"I kissed him."

"When?"

"Last week."

"He was on sick leave."

"Yeah, well, I visited him and Jack."

"And?"

"And, we were saying goodnight and I kissed him."

"Where?"

"On the cheek."

"So?"

"Then he kissed me on the mouth."

"Oh?"

"It wasn't like that."

Morgan arched an eyebrow at her.

"It wasn't," she protested. "And then I kissed him again on the mouth. And..."

"Yeah?"

"If I look at him, I think about what we could have done besides kissing and...I can't do it. You know what a disaster it would be."

"No, I don't."

"Morgan," she started to say, but he held up his hand.

"I don't know it would be a disaster and neither do you."

"Why?"

"He's my boss."

"Is he? Except you do work for Cooper's RED team too, don't you? So, the lines are a little blurry aren't they? And even if they weren't, is that all that's stopping you?"

"Look, I love him to death. I love all of you guys, but you're disasters when it comes to personal relationships. Even if you put aside what happened between him and Haley before Foyet, he's a long way off from recovering from Haley's death. No matter what you think. And even if he wasn't ..."

"Is this really about him and Haley? Or is this about you and Kevin?"

"What?"

"You and Kevin. He's never around anymore. And he wasn't there at the performance either. He didn't send you flowers. Plus, you don't have any more pictures of him up in here. You two broke up, didn't you?"

"I hate profilers."

"It would hurt my feelings if I thought you were serious."

"Derek, you know this can't end well."

"No, I don't. It's funny, but for once I'm going to give you the same advice I would give Reid."

"And what's that?"

"This is one question you can't know the answer to, not even with that big old brain of yours."

"I don't have a big old brain, not like Reid."

"Sure you do. That's how you find what we need you to find. My point is, you won't know how anything with Hotch will turn out until you try. Neither will he."

"He doesn't want to try."

"Did you ask him? Did you two talk about it?"

"It doesn't matter. It's not a good idea."

"Is that what you would tell Emily or Reid, if they were in your shoes?"

"That isn't the point."

"Baby girl, you can say whatever you want, but the problem is that right now you and Hotch are thinking with your heads. The problem there is, sometimes the head leads you astray. And the Penelope Garcia I know follows her heart, and it usually leads her in the right direction."

Morgan started to walk out the door.

"If I wasn't annoyed at you right now, I'd say I love you."

"It's okay. You're only annoyed because you know I'm right. I know you love me, and we both know the feeling is mutual." And with that he walked away, leaving Garcia to consider his words.


	5. Some Kind of Miracle

_I'm longing for love and the logical  
But he's only happy hysterical  
I'm waiting for some kind of miracle  
Waited so long  
So long_

I don't care what Morgan says, Penelope Garcia thought to herself, I do not have a big brain like Reid does. If I did, I could focus on my work and not go back on forth about Hotch.

It was a minor miracle, she thought, that she managed to think of him as Hotch and not as Aaron. If she did, it would cross a line that should not be crossed.

Like kissing him on the mouth?

Damn it.

When she had enough of this inner turmoil, she went to get a cup of coffee. She left her office and walked through the bullpen, to hear a debate of sorts.

"It can't be done," Reid said.

"You're wrong, Dr. Reid," Ashley Seaver said.

"Don't try it kid," Morgan warned Seaver. "You won't prove him wrong."

"Oh, he can be proven wrong." Emily said. She looked at Reid, "maybe you should let just let it lie this time, Reid."

Garcia couldn't help herself. "What should Reid let lie?" She looked at Seaver with a mischievous look in her eye, "or should I say who?"

"Ashley here," Morgan said, "made the mistake of saying you can prove the existence of miracles."

"Not miracles," Reid said. "She specifically said that you can find evidence of the divine."

"Don't you think you can see reasons to believe in a higher being?"

"People _say_ they do, but that isn't proof." Reid said. "People can find signs of what they want to believe."

"And what do you think of miracles, then?"

"The truth is," Reid said, "miracles aren't proof of anything."

"Are you saying, there are no such things as miracles?" Garcia asked.

"No, I'm not saying that at all. The anecdotal evidence is too significant to refute that miracles do exist. But they are not evidence or proof of a higher being. Evidence and proof are in fact counter to the most important ingredient necessary for the existence of any miracle."

"And what would that be, Genius-man?"

"Faith. The evidence of things not seen, or at least belief in something that seems either unlikely or impossible."

"Is that all you need for a miracle? A little faith?" Garcia was asking herself more than she was asking Reid.

"A …" Reid hesitated. "Friend of mine," his sponsor in his 12-step program, actually," says when you have faith and you walk into a room where it is so dark you cannot tell if there is a floor to walk on, one of two things will happen. Either there will be solid ground beneath your feet, or you will be taught how to fly."

"Wow," Emily said.

"What?" Reid asked.

"I never thought Dr. Reid, paragon of reason and firm atheist, would talk about faith like that."

"I'm not an atheist. I have trouble believing in a higher power, but that doesn't make me an atheist. The more accurate term is agnostic."

No one noticed that Penelope was no longer there.

* * *

There was a knock on the door to Aaron Hotcher's office. "Yes," he said, without looking up.

"Do you have a minute, Hotch?" Garcia asked.

He looked up at the tech analyst. It was the first time that week he looked her in the eyes. "Sure Garcia."

"Good." She closed the door behind her. "We can't keep going on like this."

"What do you mean?"

"We can't keep pretending the kiss didn't happen or that it didn't mean what we know it meant."

"We talked about it."

"No. We were in shock about it and denied it meant anything. For a profiler you can be incredibly unself-aware sometimes. You and I both know it meant something, and the proof is we haven't been able to look each other in the eye since it happened. By the way, everyone's noticed. So far Morgan is only one who's said something to me. So, if your strategy is to try to ignore it and hope no one notices, it isn't working."

"What do you suggest?"

"Take me to dinner."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Take me out to dinner. Or I'll take you out to dinner. Then we try a goodnight kiss again. It will either mean something or it won't. But at least we'll know. Or at least we won't be sitting around thinking about it."

"I've been working."

"Really? Is that why you're still looking at the same file I gave you this morning?"

"It takes a while to go through everything."

"It's a consult Reid finished yesterday. All you need to do is initial it. Are you telling me it takes you all day to review his report and initial it?"

"Well, ..." he was searching for an answer to refute what she was saying. Nothing came to him.

"I'm right and you know it. So, are you taking me to dinner? Or am I taking you?"

* * *

Friday night came and saw Hotch getting ready for his dinner with Garcia. Jessica came by and picked up Jack.

"Thanks again for taking him tonight." Aaron said.

"It's no problem." She couldn't help but smile.

"Could you manage not to laugh at me?"

"I'm not laughing. I'm smiling, there's a difference."

Aaron shook his head as Jessica and Jack left.

Aaron straightened his tie for the fourth time in the last 5 minutes. He knew he shouldn't be nervous. It's just a dinner with Garcia.

Except either way, it would change things forever. Nothing would ever be the same again.

Of course, it wasn't tonight that made that change. It was the night they kissed.

* * *

When Penelope opened the door to her apartment, she saw Aaron was dressed in a suit and tie. Of course, he was, what else would he wear?

"You look nice Garcia," he said.

"Nope, try again." She closed the door.

He stared at the door for a moment. This wasn't going to be easy, he thought to himself. He knocked again. She opened the door.

"Yes?"

He paused, "You look nice, Penelope."

She smiled. "Much better." She grabbed his tie and pulled him into her apartment. Then she kissed him, a hungry kiss that involved lips and tongue. Then, suddenly, too suddenly for Aaron's taste, it was over, and she was getting her purse. "Okay, then," she said with a smile, "let's go."

"What was that?"

"What do you mean?"

"That kiss."

"Oh, that. Think of as a sexual hors d'œuvre. But now it's time for dinner."

He titled his head to one side.

"Don't do it Aaron," she said.

"Do what?"

"Profile me."

"I wasn't."

"Really?" She arched an eyebrow.

"Maybe a little. Maybe that kiss seemed like it was supposed to throw me off balance."

"No. It was just an impulse. A fun, delicious, impulse. But just an impulse."

"And you think we can just go to dinner now?"

"I can if you can, sugar."

"You are unlike any woman I have ever known."

"Are you just figuring that out now?

Dinner went well, though Aaron had to admit he was distracted. He kept thinking about kissing her again. He managed to hide it though. At least, he thought he did.

Partway through the main course, she put her hand on his thigh.

"I suppose that doesn't mean anything either?" he said with a gentle smile.

"No. That means, you don't have a good poker face right now. I know what you want." She smiled lustily.

"Are you sure?"

"Well, we can either have dessert or go back to my place for a completely different kind of dessert. Up to you." She removed her hand from his thigh and went back to eating.

About twenty-minutes later, that were back at her place. The door was barely closed behind them when Aaron started kissing her. It was a full, passionate kiss that involved lips and tongues. As they kissed, Hotch guided her over to the couch. He managed to lower her onto the couch, and he was on top of her.

He kissed his way down her cheek and throat, all the while she started moaning in pleasure.

"Oh my," she said.

There was a hungry look in his eyes. As he continued kissing his way down, loosening her clothing so he had access to her breasts. As soon as he did, he began to kiss, suck and bite on them, which only served to cause her to moan louder and louder. After a few minutes of this, she managed to get him to sit on her couch while she removed his pants and began to suck his cock. As she took more and more of him in her mouth, sucking harder and harder, he began moaning.

Then she heard him say, "Oh my God," just second before he exploded within her. A few moments later, she looked up and him and said," This changes everything, doesn't it?"

"Yes. For the better, I hope."

"Me too." She snuggled up close to him for a moments before they moved to the bedroom.


	6. Bridal Bouquet

_He's soft to the touch_   
_But frayed at the end he breaks_   
_He's never enough_   
_And still he's more than I can take_

**June 2012**

It was a beautiful June day, when Aaron Hotchner and Penelope Garcia got married. It was an outdoor ceremony, with metal folding chairs set up in perfectly arranged rows, set in two aisles in front of a beautiful wedding canopy. While every chair was filled, it was considerably less crowded up with the wedding party. Sitting on the groom's side, Jessica was sitting next to Hotch's brother, Sean as they considered the wedding party.

"Don't you think it's a little odd for her to have a guy as her maid of honor?" Sean asked.

Standing on the bride's side of the canopy were Derek Morgan and Emily Prentiss. Derek was the maid of honor and Emily was the one bridesmaid. Jessica smiled at Sean's question. "I guess you never really spent much time with Penelope. She's ..." Jessica searched for the right word to describe the bride," she's more than a bit unorthodox. She did what any woman would, she picked her best friend as her maid of honor. It's just that her best friend happens to be Derek Morgan. I think she only had Emily be a bridesmaid to help Derek with some of the more girly stuff."

"And Aaron's okay with that? That really doesn't sound like him."

"Sure, it does. He isn't really as stiff as you think he is."

"He was as long as I've known him."

Jessica smile and shook her head. "No, it's just hard to see it. Besides, he loves Penny. Look at him."

Aaron stood up there with his best man, his son Jack. Next to Jack stood Dave Rossi. Aaron kept looking expectantly up the aisle.

"Relax," Dave said, "she's coming."

"I know," Aaron said," I'm just ..."

"It's okay, Daddy," Jack said, "Penny's nervous too. It'll be good. You just have to wait until Uncle Spence starts playing the song."

Over to one side, playing an electronic keyboard hooked up to a sophisticated speaker system, was Dr. Spencer Reid, playing with so much skill one would think he had been playing piano for years and years, not just the twelve months he had been. Emily couldn't help but beam at him with pride. Shortly after the Doyle affair, she and Spencer had started seeing each other.

"Aren't you supposed to be focused on Penelope?" Derek asked her. "Not undressing the piano player with your eyes."

"I can do both. Can't you, maid of honor?"

"I don't want to undress Reid with my eyes or anything else, thank you."

"Your loss," she said with a smile. Morgan wondered if she would have said anything like that about Reid before the incident with Ian Doyle. Of course, there was a time Morgan couldn't imagine Hotch and Garcia together either, and now he couldn't imagining the two of them getting married as anything but inevitable.

Reid started playing "Here comes the bride". Down the aisle walked Penelope Garcia, wearing a beautiful white dress and holding a bouquet of white and red roses.

"What do the roses mean again?" Derek asked.

"Unity," Emily said.

As soon as Aaron saw his bride, a certain amount of tension went out of him. He wasn't certain how he had gotten this lucky. It seemed to him the universe was giving him a chance to do things right. He promised himself he wouldn't make a mess of things like he did with Hayley. When Penelope got closer, she gave him a quick wink and one of her dazzling smiles. He knew things would be different this time.

* * *

The reception was inside, at a lovely banquet hall in the hotel. After dinner, there was music and dancing. What Penelope enjoyed most of all, though, was when she tossed the wedding bouquet. All the ladies lined up to catch it. When she tossed it behind her, it seemed to naturally and gracefully fall into the outstretched hands of Emily Prentiss.

Emily looked at Spencer Reid with a wolfish grin on her face. It was hard to know if the look on Reid's face terror or bewilderment at the practice was of tossing a bouquet to see who gets married next. It made Garcia smile and laugh. Then she felt her husband's arm on her back, "Mrs. Hotchner, shall we dance?"

"Absolutely, Mr. Hotchner." she said with a smile. As they danced, they forgot about the FBI, unsubs, and all the darkness they saw. This was just one of many beautiful days filled with love, joy and laughter Aaron and Penelope Hotchner enjoyed with each other. This wasn't to say there weren't hard times, days of darkness, and times filled with tears, but somehow, they managed to stay together throughout all the laughter and the tears.


End file.
